20 years to the future

I used to worry about where I'll be in 20 years. I used to spend entire days fearing that in 20 years I'll be married to a wonderful woman, but stuck in a job that I hate. I used to fear that in 20 years I'll feel that my life isn't complete. I used to fear that in 20 years I'll have wasted my prime.

I used to worry a lot about the distant future.

But recently I've been able to focus my thoughts on now. On what I'm doing at the current time, because that's what exists. What I did yesterday, last year, when I was 5, and even 10 seconds ago shouldn't dictate my life because that's the past. It happened and I have to deal with it. Then there's the future that's horribly uncertain. I could die at any moment, or I could stumble upon buried treasure at any moment, or I could eat pop corn at any moment. Nothing's set in stone in the future. But now, I have power over now. Right now I'm sitting in an arm chair typing this out. I can stand if I choose, I can spit on the screen if I choose, heck I can even pretend to be mauled by a dragon if I so choose. I can do anything I like now. But in 10 seconds, I'll have missed any opportunities to change now. There's no going back. Marty McFly may have lucked out by being one of the few able to go back, but I have a feeling I won't be "going back" anytime soon.

So, in 20 years I'm anticipating not existing, because that's the only thought that I can cook up that keeps me focused on now. If 20 years doesn't exist, then my mind shouldn't even bother with it. I know what I'm doing now, where I am now, and who I am now, and I'm happy with that. That's it. That's all I can do.