Kites and Pansies

Recently I've been going on Relevant's Reject Apathy and reading the articles that are posted on it.

I've been reading Relevant for just over a year now, and I can't help but get excited about everything that they have their hand in. Weather it's their video section, music section, their daily slices, or even their theological articles, I just seem to enjoy how it's all presented.

Reject Apathy appealed to me even more so than most other Relevant stuff because I am currently enrolled, and hopefully passing, a social problems class. In this class we learn and discuss all sorts of odd and interesting topics. From medical marijuana to the right to bears' arms, but it is always the stuff about people being exploited that really gets my blood flowing and my synapsis warmed up. I love being educated about what injustices people face, and coming up with ideas on how to fix them.

Sadly, most of my ideas stay just that, ideas. Little kites flying around in my head without an opportunity in sight to break free and actually come into fruition. Hopefully someday I'll be able to break free of my complacency (maybe I should call it apathy) and do something.

Reject Apathy. Sounds so amusing, but then why am I such a pansy?

Home

I'm not one to solicit what I write for classes, but I really enjoyed writing this piece, so I thought I'd share it.

I had to describe and emotion by describing a place. Hopefully I communicate well. If not, eh...it's my blog, my rules.

"The old door hung loosely on its hinges as the harsh wind blew a chill through the dilapidated house. The molding sofa in the living room had battle scars that told tales of better times. Torn curtains clung tightly to rods framing the cracked glass windows. It was an almost pitiful attempt at beautifying the house. The stairs leading up to the second floor complained about its back as one moved up and down them. The bathroom was accessible only by dodging holes in the termite-infested floor of the second level. The rusted pipes creaked and moaned while a constant drip sang back up in the sink. The shower was missing tiles and resembled a murder scene in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. The master bedroom was the worst of them all. Nothing was left but an old bureau. The closet had been ransacked, and the bandits left many coats, dress, and slacks behind to speak of their accomplishment. Dim rays of sunshine clawed their way through the holes in the roof. Weathered wallpaper hung its head as it stood against the wall. It was almost impossible to make out any images that may have shone in the mirror due to the thick layer of dust and pigeon droppings that covered it. Going back down the elderly stairs to the kitchen, the halls cried out in anguish at their existence. The kitchen was nothing more than a black hole in a cloudy night sky. The house sat empty, waiting, watching, dying."

what you're doing's wrong, right?

How do you tell someone you've never met that their lifestyle is unacceptable without coming across as a jerk? The Pharisees were really good at telling people they barely knew that their lifestyles were wrong and damning. I think that is the great Christian dilemma, "here's how your life is wrong, oh and by the way, god loves you."

Is it even possible to be a Christian and fully love everyone?

Even looking at Jesus as the perfect example leaves me with some questions. This guy was the son of G-D, who came to the earth to preach the good news and love the unrighteous, but in a sense he was a jerk to the Pharisees and told them off. How did He do it? Did He do it in such a manner that was kind and inoffensive? I don't think so. Jesus wasn't a pansy, He said things that put the Pharisees foot in their mouths.

I can't seem to find an answer. In my head it's a circular argument. I guess for now I'll just focus on pouring out G-D's love on all who cross my path, and hope that what I'm doing and the way I'm living will lead to changes in other's lives.

Oh G-D, may my life be pleasing to You and You only......

20 years to the future

I used to worry about where I'll be in 20 years. I used to spend entire days fearing that in 20 years I'll be married to a wonderful woman, but stuck in a job that I hate. I used to fear that in 20 years I'll feel that my life isn't complete. I used to fear that in 20 years I'll have wasted my prime.

I used to worry a lot about the distant future.

But recently I've been able to focus my thoughts on now. On what I'm doing at the current time, because that's what exists. What I did yesterday, last year, when I was 5, and even 10 seconds ago shouldn't dictate my life because that's the past. It happened and I have to deal with it. Then there's the future that's horribly uncertain. I could die at any moment, or I could stumble upon buried treasure at any moment, or I could eat pop corn at any moment. Nothing's set in stone in the future. But now, I have power over now. Right now I'm sitting in an arm chair typing this out. I can stand if I choose, I can spit on the screen if I choose, heck I can even pretend to be mauled by a dragon if I so choose. I can do anything I like now. But in 10 seconds, I'll have missed any opportunities to change now. There's no going back. Marty McFly may have lucked out by being one of the few able to go back, but I have a feeling I won't be "going back" anytime soon.

So, in 20 years I'm anticipating not existing, because that's the only thought that I can cook up that keeps me focused on now. If 20 years doesn't exist, then my mind shouldn't even bother with it. I know what I'm doing now, where I am now, and who I am now, and I'm happy with that. That's it. That's all I can do.

Smile much?

It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 muscles to frown.

Recently, I've been trying to smile more. Partly because I hate working out, but also because I'm trying to be happier. According to the facial feedback hypothesis, the tightening of facial muscles either in a smile or frown can alter the way we feel, thus smiling more can make one happier. It's weird to think that I need to force myself to be happy. I mean, I don't view myself as an unhappy person, but every once in a while I just can't seem to find anything to take joy in. One would think that being happy should naturally be within us, something that we don't have to force or even learn. But from my personal experience, I've found that I have to learn to be happy more and more often. I'm trying to find happiness in everything, especially in other's successes. Competing to be the best has left many I know, myself included, unable to celebrate when others create, find, or love something better or first.

I want to be the kind of person who is over-joyed by all the small bits of life. One step I'm taking to appreciating the small stuff is doing my best to thank the G-D daily for where I live. My cousin is visiting from out of state and she is absolutely floored by the beauty of Monterey County. Last night she told me that even in the dark everything still looks beautiful. I've never thought of that, and this morning I couldn't help crack a smile over the beauty that surrounded me on my morning drive. I've made the same commute for 8 years, but today was one of the first times I've ever felt blessed for having to drive that distance. Also, I'm trying spend less time glued to monitors (tv, compy, cellular) and more time outside. I've even started reading outside when I can. Nature can do marvelous things to the human spirit.

Happiness won't come knocking on your door everyday, most times you'll have to get out and hunt it down.